Tammy Loves Trump (But Not as Much as She Loves Walmart)
A comedy satire by Epicdelusion.
Tammy, the 800 lb trailer park princess, loves Trump. I mean, she really loves Trump. “He’s the greatest dang president we ever done had!” she remorselessly declared. “He gonna build that wall. He gonna get all them MS 13 gang bangers and them terrorists outta here. You’ll see. He much better than that damn Obama. He watn’t even ‘merican.”
Tammy also loves Walmart. “I do love Walmart though, they roll back them prices, make ya feel good, and they just great. We’s been going there for years and years. Hell, that’s where my husband proposed to me, God love him.”
When Tammy heard that someone was selling ‘Impeach Trump’ T-shirts on Walmart’s online marketplace, she was torn.
“I didn’t know what to do really” she said as she started sobbing a bit. “I felt like it was two dang family members fighting or sumpin’.”
“All my friends they in an uproar” she told us. “they’s talkin’ about boycotting the whole dang store. Now how you gonna boycott a whole dang store?”
With tremendous reluctance Tammy decided that she wasn’t going to be swept up in all of the anti-Walmart hype. The fond memories she had of Walmart could not so easily be superseded by one T-Shirt. “I mean, the T-Shirt is treasonous; saying anything bad about our President is treason, ya know? So I’m hoping they gon’ take it down.”
Tammy felt a bit self-conscious as she got into her scooter cart and began perusing the aisles at the local Walmart. “I felt like, ya know, one of my friends might’ve seen me up in there and been madder than hell at me.” She confessed. “But I don’t know where else to go. I sure as hell aint goin’ to Target. I done boycotted them years ago.”