Every day there is a shitshow on the internet where some celebrity has made some evil, unforgivable tweet and the country is predictably clutching their pearls, gasping in astonishment and calling for a public execution.

 Human beings have a remarkable tolerance and passivity toward actual atrocities but the moment you upset their sensibilities their outrage will be unleashed. So yeah, the lesson here is – be as terrible of a person as you want, just don’t make offensive posts.   

Perhaps I’m just jaded, too reasonable, or maybe I’m a horrible human being hiding behind my privilege, who knows? Nobody is perfect. Now, I have watched the same things as you have. We all see the same pointless shit in our facebook newsfeeds and twitter feeds.

I’m not telling you where to place your anger or what you should be doing with your life, but I just cannot replicate your reactions. I’m not here to tell you that there are more important things to worry about. I’m just genuinely unmoved by the things that you’re so passionate about.    

These abhorrent and vile comments made on twitter have no affect on me. I know that these offensive tweets are the absolute worst thing in the world a person can do, and I also know that the greatest moral good a person can achieve is to be outraged by those comments, but I just simply produce no emotion from it all.

You’re a better person for being so angry. I know I’m a piece of shit for my blood does not boil like yours. When all is said and done, after your rage has ebbed, you were a part of the solution, me the problem. You’re saving the world, I’m not.

I don’t give a shit about Colin Kaepernick kneeling for the National Anthem. I don’t care about Kathy Griffin, or Show Dogs, or Roseanne or Samantha Bee or the View or any of it. Don’t care if someone burns a flag or says mean things or wears the wrong Halloween costume. I’m not saying that you’re stupid if you do care, but yeah, you get the implication.  

I started to think that maybe I wasn’t alone. Perhaps all these online diatribes were just people having fun on the internet, trolling, joining in on the dogpile while some actor you enjoyed for years blissfully in your ignorance squirms and apologizes for you. Feels good to make them grovel, huh? Maybe you were just bored and stirring up the shit pot making the poor bastard lick the spoon?

I wondered, as I chuckled, do you guys actually care about this shit? I mean, it really makes you this upset? Are you really pissed at me for not caring?

Maybe, just maybe, you don’t really give a shit either. Your rage is just a performance? Does it make you feel cleansed to pick up your digital pitchforks and cry witch? Feel nice and redeemed now? You’re so patriotically correct! So politically correct! You’re such a good person.  

I’m waiting for everyone to kinda say, “yeah man, we’re just fucking around” then drink a beer and resume their pointless lives.

But alas, they seem pretty committed to the act.